Description

"Optimized For Failure" Stats Tee - Bad Roll Edition

€20,01 EUR
Taxes included.
Army / S

Life is an RPG, and you rolled terrible stats. This shirt displays your honest character build: Low Strength, Average Intelligence, and Negative Luck. Wear it as a warning to your group that you are absolutely not the "tank" of the party.

  • Breathable Fabric: Lightweight cotton blend keeps you cool even when your stamina bar is flashing red.

  • Crisp Data: The pixelated menu graphic is printed with precision for maximum readability.

  • Side-Seamed: Structural support that holds together better than your actual life plan.

  • Universal Fit: Designed to fit every character class, from "NPC" to "Protagonist."


.: Made with 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton, the Bella Canvas 3001 is a lightweight fabric (4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²)) that's breathable and easy to layer. Perfect for active and leisure wear.
.: The retail fit that is perfect for casual and semi-formal settings. The crew neckline adds a classic, neat style that's perfect for accessorizing.
.: Bella+Canvas manufactures all its products in the US and internationally in humane, no-sweat-shop, sustainable way and is part of the Fair Labor Association as well as Platinum WRAP certified.
.: The tear-away label minimizes skin irritations.
.: Fabric blends: Ash and Heather Prism colors - 99% cotton, 1% polyester; Heather and Solid Blend colors - 52% cotton, 48% polyester; Athletic Heather and Black Heather - 90% cotton, 10% polyester.

The "Curriculum" Approach

Incoming Resupply Protocols

We print every piece of gear on-demand to prevent waste—because resource management is key to survival.

  • Mobilization Time: Please allow 2-5 days for us to manufacture your supplies at our nearest stronghold.
  • Transit: Once deployed, standard shipping typically takes 3-5 business days (depending on the status of the local infrastructure).
  • Tracking: You will receive a tracking link as soon as your loot drop is airborne. Watch your inbox.

Mission Assurance Guarantee

We strive for 100% mission success, but sometimes supply drops go wrong.

  • Damaged Goods: If your gear arrives damaged, misprinted, or infected, send us a photo within 30 days. We will deploy a replacement immediately—no cost, no questions.
  • Wrong Size: Did you overestimate your stats? It happens. Contact support, and we'll help sort out your loadout.
  • Support Comms: Our bunker staff is on standby to ensure you are equipped properly. Do not hesitate to signal us.

Built to Last (Without Ruining What's Left)

Survival isn't just about bunkers; it's about preserving what we have.

  • Zero Waste: We use a made-to-order model. No warehouses full of unsold stock ending up in landfills. We only make what you actually need.
  • Ethical Supply: Our apparel is produced using OEKO-TEX certified dyes and sourced via the US Cotton Trust Protocol.
  • Durability: We choose materials (ring-spun cotton, heavy blends) designed to survive the wash cycle and the wasteland.

Educational Entertainment for the End Times

You know us from the simulations. Survival Curriculum is dedicated to turning terrifying fictional scenarios—from zombies to nuclear winter—into actionable, science-based survival skills.

  • Support the Research: Every piece of gear you buy directly funds the research and animation for our next YouTube simulation.
  • Join the Ranks: Wearing this gear signals to other survivors that you know Rule #1 (Cardio) and you have a plan.

Stay safe, stay prepared, and thanks for funding the bunker.