Description

"Optimized for Failure" Survival Crewneck - Hard Mode Default Settings

€47,99 EUR
Taxes included.
S / Ash

In any RPG, you’d reroll these stats immediately. In the apocalypse, this is just your life. This crewneck displays the brutal reality of your personal build: weak, average intelligence, and catastrophic luck. It serves as a necessary warning label for potential allies, letting them know that while you can't carry heavy loot or solve complex puzzles, you are mathematically guaranteed to trigger every trap you walk past. Wear this to manage expectations—you aren't the hero; you're the NPC that dies in the tutorial.

  • Comfort Buff: Premium soft fleece interior provides a soothing bonus to morale while you deal with the consequences of your -5 Luck stat.

  • Structural Integrity: Reinforced collar and cuffs are engineered to outlast the person wearing them, making this a great loot drop for the next guy.

  • High-Vis HUD: The bright blue holographic design ensures your party members can read your liabilities from a safe distance.

  • Agility Modifier: Relaxed fit allows for maximum range of motion when you inevitably have to run from a threat you aren't strong enough to fight.

  • Honesty Policy: Clearly labeled "Optimized for Failure," preventing awkward conversations about why you dropped the food supplies.


Product features
- Medium-heavy 50/50 cotton-poly blend (8.0 oz/yd²) for balanced warmth and durability
- Classic crewneck with ribbed collar and double-needle stitching for long-lasting shape
- Tubular knit (no side seams) for a smooth, waste-reducing silhouette
- DTG prints on body with optional embroidery placements (left/center chest, wrists) and DTF inner neck labels
- OEKO-TEX dyes and US Cotton Trust Protocol—safety- and sustainability-minded materials

Care instructions
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Non-chlorine: bleach as needed
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Do not iron
- Do not dryclean

The "Curriculum" Approach

Incoming Resupply Protocols

We print every piece of gear on-demand to prevent waste—because resource management is key to survival.

  • Mobilization Time: Please allow 2-5 days for us to manufacture your supplies at our nearest stronghold.
  • Transit: Once deployed, standard shipping typically takes 3-5 business days (depending on the status of the local infrastructure).
  • Tracking: You will receive a tracking link as soon as your loot drop is airborne. Watch your inbox.

Mission Assurance Guarantee

We strive for 100% mission success, but sometimes supply drops go wrong.

  • Damaged Goods: If your gear arrives damaged, misprinted, or infected, send us a photo within 30 days. We will deploy a replacement immediately—no cost, no questions.
  • Wrong Size: Did you overestimate your stats? It happens. Contact support, and we'll help sort out your loadout.
  • Support Comms: Our bunker staff is on standby to ensure you are equipped properly. Do not hesitate to signal us.

Built to Last (Without Ruining What's Left)

Survival isn't just about bunkers; it's about preserving what we have.

  • Zero Waste: We use a made-to-order model. No warehouses full of unsold stock ending up in landfills. We only make what you actually need.
  • Ethical Supply: Our apparel is produced using OEKO-TEX certified dyes and sourced via the US Cotton Trust Protocol.
  • Durability: We choose materials (ring-spun cotton, heavy blends) designed to survive the wash cycle and the wasteland.

Educational Entertainment for the End Times

You know us from the simulations. Survival Curriculum is dedicated to turning terrifying fictional scenarios—from zombies to nuclear winter—into actionable, science-based survival skills.

  • Support the Research: Every piece of gear you buy directly funds the research and animation for our next YouTube simulation.
  • Join the Ranks: Wearing this gear signals to other survivors that you know Rule #1 (Cardio) and you have a plan.

Stay safe, stay prepared, and thanks for funding the bunker.