Description

"Squad Roles" Survival Hoodie - Know Your Place

€47,99 EUR
Taxes included.
S / Ash

Survival isn't a team sport; it's a resource management simulation. This instructional garment establishes the only three classes that matter in the current meta: The Brains (navigation), The Muscle (heavy lifting/DPS), and The Bait (aggro control). Featuring a brutally honest diagram of a balanced party, it serves as a visual contract for your group. If you aren't holding the map or the lumber, you need to accept that your primary function is to look delicious when the horde arrives.

  • Class Identification: High-contrast text clearly designates "The Brains," "The Muscle," and "The Bait," preventing tactical confusion during a retreat.

  • Thermal Buff: Premium fleece interior maintains core temperature, which is essential for "The Bait" while they stand still to draw enemy fire.

  • Loot Capacity: Spacious kangaroo pocket allows "The Muscle" to stash extra supplies or "The Brains" to protect the map.

  • Stealth Mode: Double-lined hood with drawstrings allows you to hide your face, useful for avoiding the guilt of sacrificing your teammate.

  • Evasion Mechanics: Relaxed fit ensures a full range of motion, giving "The Bait" a statistically non-zero chance of outrunning the threat.



Product features
- Medium-heavy 50/50 cotton-poly blend (8.0 oz/yd²) for balanced warmth and durability
- Classic crewneck with ribbed collar and double-needle stitching for long-lasting shape
- Tubular knit (no side seams) for a smooth, waste-reducing silhouette
- DTG prints on body with optional embroidery placements (left/center chest, wrists) and DTF inner neck labels
- OEKO-TEX dyes and US Cotton Trust Protocol—safety- and sustainability-minded materials

Care instructions
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Non-chlorine: bleach as needed
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Do not iron
- Do not dryclean

The "Curriculum" Approach

Incoming Resupply Protocols

We print every piece of gear on-demand to prevent waste—because resource management is key to survival.

  • Mobilization Time: Please allow 2-5 days for us to manufacture your supplies at our nearest stronghold.
  • Transit: Once deployed, standard shipping typically takes 3-5 business days (depending on the status of the local infrastructure).
  • Tracking: You will receive a tracking link as soon as your loot drop is airborne. Watch your inbox.

Mission Assurance Guarantee

We strive for 100% mission success, but sometimes supply drops go wrong.

  • Damaged Goods: If your gear arrives damaged, misprinted, or infected, send us a photo within 30 days. We will deploy a replacement immediately—no cost, no questions.
  • Wrong Size: Did you overestimate your stats? It happens. Contact support, and we'll help sort out your loadout.
  • Support Comms: Our bunker staff is on standby to ensure you are equipped properly. Do not hesitate to signal us.

Built to Last (Without Ruining What's Left)

Survival isn't just about bunkers; it's about preserving what we have.

  • Zero Waste: We use a made-to-order model. No warehouses full of unsold stock ending up in landfills. We only make what you actually need.
  • Ethical Supply: Our apparel is produced using OEKO-TEX certified dyes and sourced via the US Cotton Trust Protocol.
  • Durability: We choose materials (ring-spun cotton, heavy blends) designed to survive the wash cycle and the wasteland.

Educational Entertainment for the End Times

You know us from the simulations. Survival Curriculum is dedicated to turning terrifying fictional scenarios—from zombies to nuclear winter—into actionable, science-based survival skills.

  • Support the Research: Every piece of gear you buy directly funds the research and animation for our next YouTube simulation.
  • Join the Ranks: Wearing this gear signals to other survivors that you know Rule #1 (Cardio) and you have a plan.

Stay safe, stay prepared, and thanks for funding the bunker.